Pam's Egg

2011-06-19T19:58:00.002-04:00

My February Yoga Destination

2011-02-27T11:03:00.000-05:00

February has escaped me. I haven’t practiced yoga as scrupulously as I’d hoped. I have a nagging, dull pain in my side that yoga has consistently brought to my attention. This is what yoga does for the practitioner: it makes one completely aware of the body and mind. Indeed, yoga allows me to be magically in the moment and present experience. Which is why I am aggravated that after negative CT scan and x-ray exams, my doctor cannot diagnose the pain. I just want to know what’s happening so I can take action. If I hear “it may be a pulled muscle” one more time, I am going to go postal. It is not a pulled muscle; I have had plenty of those and know what they feel like. Dealing with this pain is getting old.

Last week, out of frustration, I went to my acupuncturist. She thinks there may be something going on with my kidneys and suggested that I stop my yoga practice for a week to make sure I am not exacerbating my condition. What?!? No way, I said. That wasn’t fair. My body needs yoga now. Alas, I did what she suggested and still the dull pain has not subsided. Next week, I will visit a specialist to get some more lab work completed. I hope and pray that I get some resolution soon. And for now, I will resume my practice.

What is Love?

2011-02-13T12:44:00.000-05:00

What is love?

It is passion. It is desire. It is caring and devotion. It is dedication to this passion, desire, and devotion. What love isn’t seems to be more obvious: it’s not Valentine’s Day, excess or temperance, useless trinkets or unnecessary presents. We tend to forget that this time of year, and even though I celebrate February 14th, it is just another day to recognize everyone in my life that has made it possible for my passions and desires to flourish. That’s it. I don’t care about going out to dinner, getting red roses, or chocolate candy that I don’t need. And although I do enjoy receiving gifts of appreciation from my beloved, I like to send cards to family and friends even more. Then, the real fun begins. I get busy re-energizing to love myself more. The world would be a better place if we all loved ourselves to the fullest extent possible. True love – acceptance, happiness, and an illuminated zest for life – is the key. I hope you choose to join me on this exhilarating voyage.

My January Yoga Destination

2011-01-28T17:08:00.001-05:00

In the midst of my sore arms and back sustained from shoveling the heavy snow, I woke up and went to the yoga mat this morning. My body exulted in a refreshing “thanks” as I did some gentle asanas, along with the standard downward dog, camel, and bridge poses. For me, it’s a great way to welcome the morning, however cold and gray, and a good way to start the day. I am anxious and restless when I skip yoga, especially on days that are stressful and uneasy. And it has been a challenge for me to keep up my practice on a daily basis, but I think it’s good if I practice at least three times a week.

Yoga helps me plan my day and gives me clarity of mind so I stay on task. This is critical, as I am working as a consultant; writing grants, critiquing website content, and completing development work. I need to be able to allocate time and resources to balance my busy schedule. To give myself the positive energy boost needed to be my true self, I will continue my path of yoga for a few days a week for about 25 minutes at each practice. I am compelled to become a yogi force; this will be my 2011 mantra.

It’s The Journey, Not The Destination, In 2011

2011-01-02T16:44:00.000-05:00

This year, as in recent years, I did not make any resolutions. They don’t work for the most part, because after two weeks, most people return to what they did before. I believe that we should resolve to do what we are striving to accomplish to do every day. Last year, I attempted to do better at my yoga practice. And although I was hard on myself and fell short of what I really wanted my practice to be, I did succeed: I became better at my yoga practice this past year.

This year, I would like to become a certified yoga teacher. I don’t know if I will accomplish it, but I will use these next twelve months to work towards this goal. I will also focus on not worrying so much. I tend to worry and concern myself too much with things that I have no stake in or no control over. After all, that’s what anxiety is! So throughout this year, I am going to make a concerted effort to worry less and enjoy life more. I am going to be more conscious of my breath and my present state of mind, remembering that my life journey is the heart and soul of it all.

I don’t view these two goals as resolutions; rather, I see them as aspirations. If I don’t reach them this year, then I will make sure that my journey towards them is worth the trip.

My Yoga Journey, Part 5

2010-12-11T12:48:00.000-05:00

Every time I get incredibly busy and stressed, my yoga practice slips and falls. Lately, there haven’t been enough hours in the day. No holiday shopping for me, and there isn't even time enough to write my blog or do research for my book. When the stress comes, however, yoga is the one thing that helps me focus and aids in softening all of the scattered feelings that I am currently experiencing. So why aren’t I consistent in my practice? Let me try to dissect the cause.

It takes time. Not that much, just about a half an hour. And it sometimes impedes upon my elliptical workout, which is critical for me to avoid becoming chunky.

It takes effort. Albeit minimal, yoga stretches in the morning can be intense. However, I feel so much better after the practice that it is worth it.

I forget. I start doing my daily tasks early in the morning, and I get so bogged down with them that I forget to practice. By the time I remember, it is 2:00 pm.

Okay, so these are shoddy reasons for my decreased yoga practice, but they are the reasons. I am a work in progress, and this is why it is my yoga journey. Stay tuned for My Yoga Journey, Part 6 – My Yoga Practice in 2011.

Blue Star Families, the Ellen Show, Michelle Obama and Dr. Jill Biden!

2010-11-01T11:42:00.000-04:00

This essay was originally posted on the Blue Star Families blog, Blue Star Voices, at www.bluestarfam.org.

This week, I was privileged to travel to Los Angeles to be a guest of The Ellen DeGeneres Show. I wouldn’t realize the gravity of this opportunity until later when I would be onstage with three of the women I love the most.

A diva could get spoiled: Charles and I were picked up at the airport in a limo and taken to the Sheraton Hotel in Universal City. Later the following day, we were picked up and carted to Warner Brother Studios. Still, the thrill and verve of it all had not hit me. We waited in a separate room outside of the studio (not in the green room where guests of the show usually wait) because security was so deep that the Ellen producers were flustered; they told us that they had never dealt with anything like it. We waited, were fed well, and waited some more. But the Ellen energy had not yet stirred in me. Subsequently, we were escorted to the green room and given instructions where to stand to meet the First and Second Ladies. I was so enamored by the pictures of Ellen and celebrities on the walls, I wasn’t even stressed; after all, we all bleed, right? Also, I was so enthralled with the producers’ stories about how they had to dance during their interviews that I wasn’t thinking about what I would say to Mrs. Obama and Dr. Biden.

And just then they came around the corner, while I was shaking my booty (Ellen is like a big house party), so I halted my fairly fantastic boogie moves and put on my professional demeanor. Dr. Biden was gracious as usual. I have met her and spoken with her personally before, and she was the same; wonderful and cordial. Afterward, Michelle Obama greeted me. OMG! I reached out my hand to shake hers, and she gave me a hug. She asked how Charles and I were doing, we told her, and we went on to talk about the Inauguration and how incredibly frigid it was. I said “You should be used to the cold, coming from Chicago” and she replied, as she looked at me and Dr. Biden: “no, it was especially cold that day. Why do we have the Inauguration in January? Why can’t we do them in June?” We spoke some more, took some pictures together, and then took our places to prepare for the show.

In the midst of Veteran’s Day, the show was specifically focused on military families, and the audience was full of them. Ellen started the show with the two things she loves to do: dancing and scaring the hell out of people. And although I was not yet in the audience, I got to see the first part of the show from backstage. It was hilarious! Once Ellen completed her trademark dancing and frightened one of her producers onstage, they paused for commercial time and escorted me, my husband, the 2009 Military Child of the Year and her father, a wounded warrior like Charles, to the front of the audience seating; all four of us were vetted by the White House and Secret Service to attend the show as VIP guests. Alas, I do enjoy special treatment.

Once we were all seated, the FLOTUS made her way to the stage to speak with Ellen about issues she cares about: supporting healthy lifestyles and military families. And once Dr. Biden joined her onstage to speak about what they are doing for military families, it was at this point that I realized how significant this was going to be, how momentous this is. This interview with Mrs. Obama and Dr. Biden was their first joint interview ever. And then came the shout outs to the Egglestons, one by Dr. Biden, specifically speaking of my role as a caregiver and supporter during my husband’s Walter Reed tenure, and one by the First Lady, mentioning our advocacy. Oh, but it gets better.

During the break, I was escorted to the stage, along with my new friend Brittany, the military child who is a sophomore at the University of Colorado. We were told where to sit on a plush crimson couch and I kept thinking: something good is about to happen. I had no clue how good, because at that precise moment Ellen awarded Blue Star Families $15,000 worth of Nooks for our Books on Bases Program! It was better than good, it was phenomenal. I was utterly surprised, humbled, and proud that I was chosen to represent myself, my husband, and Blue Star Families.

Ellen is an angel. Full of love and hugs, positive energy and all, she was so wonderful. And apparently, she, Obama, and Biden love Books on Bases. Still, it gets better. Ellen invited the entire audience back for her 12 Days of Christmas! I will return to LA sometime in December for the grand event.

After hugs from some of the audience members, we were escorted back to our special waiting room. Within the blink of an eye, it was over. The Ellen DeGeneres Show is a finely-tuned machine that operates with professional precision and crazy fun. The limo picked us up and took us back to the Sheraton. On my way home, I felt pretty exceptional about the entirety of it all, and delighted to be a part of it. The exhilaration has slowly ceased….until December!

A Lesson in Civility

2010-10-28T12:39:00.002-04:00

Apparently, my upcoming appearance on Ellen with the FLOTUS and the Second Lady has prompted some folks to say nasty things. A couple of days ago, Blue Star Families let the cat out of the bag by informing our members on Facebook that Blue Star Families would be on The Ellen DeGeneres Show with Michelle Obama and Dr. Jill Biden. Because I was busy traveling and filming, I didn’t get to read the disrespectful comments directed at the Administration and/or Blue Star Families and for that, let me give a shout out to my buddys Vivian and Stephanie, the BSF social media guru.

In the wake of the current head bashing of a Move On.Org member at a Rand Paul Tea Party rally, I want to take this time to ask: can’t we all just get along? For anyone who knows me, I definitely do not agree with everything this current Administration has done, is doing, or will do. Do you want to know why? Because that is me, because I am human, because I am an Independent, and because I don’t have to. Each President serving this country is doing the job the best to their ability. Period. You may not like how they are doing it, but you are entitled to your opinion. You might not even like how they look while they are doing it. The bottom line is that they took a job that bites. Think about that before acting out or saying something seething and spiteful.

Civility is hard to come by these days. Our growing lack of civility is one of the reasons that Jon Stewart is hosting a Rally to Restore Sanity this weekend. The premise to all of this is real simple: we can agree to disagree on some issues. Then, we can go home and rake the leaves.

So, before you say anything demeaning about someone, particularly someone you do not know, pause. Take a breath. Ask yourself why you are angry. Ask yourself why you are getting your blood pressure up. Ask yourself what you have done to make this country better for all of its inhabitants. Ask yourself if it is really that serious. Go do some yoga (My Yoga Journey – part 5 coming soon). And if at the end of this you are still pissed, then you must look in the mirror to see the real issue at hand.

My Yoga Journey – Part 4

2010-10-03T18:43:00.000-04:00

I am surprising myself. I have been consistent in my almost-daily yoga practice for a while now. And I feel the loveliness of it. I am certainly more flexible, calmer, and my body’s getting more from my workouts. It’s wonderful! Now, if I could only eat like I practice. While I am improving upon what I put in my mouth, it is slow in coming. I don’t think I have to become a complete vegan or eat twenty radishes a day, but I could absolutely stand to change my diet. This month, as autumn fully emerges, I am struggling to accomplish what Geneen Roth stressed in her most recent book, Women, Food and God: “eat only when you are hungry.” If life were only that simple. Still, it is the challenge of living positively that attracts me to it all.

Blue Star Families 2010 Military Lifestyle Survey

2010-09-23T10:31:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I was lucky enough to be part of the first ever Joint House and Senate Military Family Caucus event -- and, as Director of Development for Blue Star Families, a member of the panel introducing the Blue Star Families 2010 Military Lifestyle Survey on Capitol Hill. With over 3,600 respondents to the survey, some of the main issues included the current operational tempo, the effect of deployments on military children, children’s education, military spouse employment, financial issues, and mental health and stress. Please visit www.bluestarfam.org for a view of the slideshow and research report, and go to our Facebook page to see pictures from the event.

Blue Star Families at Defense Forum Washington

2010-09-15T10:03:00.001-04:00

This blog was originally posted on the Blue Star Families blog, Blue Star Voices at www.bluestarfam.org.

by Pamela Stokes Eggleston

This past Friday, the Military Officers Association of America (MOAA) and the United States Naval Institute (USNI) co-hosted the 4th annual Defense Forum Washington, a one-day conference that examines the current and pervasive interests of today’s military. My husband and I were asked to be panelists at the DFW, and we were honored.

Senator Jim Webb (D-VA) was the opening speaker. He talked about the long deployments “multiple deployments have placed us in uncharted territory.” He went on to describe his military family experience and stated that he did not see or experience the multiple deployments that we do now. “We have less dwell time and more deployment time.” He said that he could not believe that this was allowed to happen. He also mentioned his Dwell Time Amendment in 2007. “We tend to think that because we have an all volunteer force, we have an all career force.” The US military is a unique institution.”

The panel that I spoke on with my husband was called “Navigating Recovery –Are We Meeting Needs and Expectations?” Other panelists included MG Todd Bunting, Sgt. Maj. Ploskonka Jr., USMC, Jean Langbein, LCSW, and John Campbell (BSF friend from My Vetworks who is the new Deputy Undersecretary of Defense for Wounded Warrior Care and Transition Policy). Charles and I spoke about the problems we had with Walter Reed, from a wounded warrior and caregiver perspective. Charles also mentioned the suicide rates among wounded warriors and how he lost some of his brothers.

The second panel, Confronting the Integration Process – Embracing the Experience, was just as interesting. There was a mother, a parent on the panel with her wounded warrior, speaking about her experience: “the military spouses have benefits, but the parents do not.” Her son was injured in 2007 and thought that the MEB/PEB processed had improved since 2004, 2005, 2006. Charles and I had a hell of a time with that process; we mentioned that it and the disability evaluation system (DES) needs to be revamped. It was stated that we need to tailor what we do differently for every single one of the soldiers and veterans. The female veteran on the panel said she was initially reticent and in denial about her PTSD and that accordingly made it worse. The President of the Brain Injury Association of Michigan Michael Dabbs piggybacked on what Charles and I stated during our panel: we need to get better and faster at delivering services in a uniformed way. He challenged the audience to return to DFW 2011 to report what each of us has done in the past year.

Gen. George Casey and Sheila Casey gave the keynote speech during the luncheon. Sheila Casey thanked all of the organizations present for raising awareness for the wounded warriors and the challenges that they face. Having 40 years as a military spouse, Ms. Casey travels around the country and the globe and has seen the stress placed on military families. “Tomorrow marks the 9th anniversary of 9/11. These past nine years have been incredibly difficult on the force. Our soldiers are stressed, and so are their families. In the face of the new normal, our troops have come together and supported one another.” Ms. Casey worries about the long-term effects these long deployments are having on the children. “Our families are dealing with the cumulative effects of 9 years of war.” Her sense is that more services and support will be needed. And then there are those families that have the added challenge of caring for a wounded warrior. “What I have observed about caregivers – they are the last ones to take care of themselves.” She is right. As the caregiver of a wounded warrior, I often forget to take time for myself.

Gen. Casey spoke after his wife and stressed the new normal. “Before 9/11, the good old days, we were an army to train. But I have to tell folks that we are not going back there. Although we have drawn down to 50,000 in Iraq, the war isn’t over. We are preparing ourselves form protracted confrontation. Gen. Casey stated that globalization, technology, demographics, population growth, and an increased need for resources are all doubled edged swords, particularly during these turbulent times. “The cumulative effects of the war, of the past nine years, are going to be with us for a while.” And according to a study he commissioned, it takes 26 to 34 months to recover from a 12 month deployment. To this end, he believes that the Army is out of balance. “We are so weighed down by our current demands, that we could not do what is currently needed from our soldiers and their families.” Gen. Casey stated that we have to follow the following steps to put the Army back into balance: prepare, reset, transform, sustain. He promised that by this time next year, units will have two years at home. And he mentioned a recently launched national action alliance for suicide prevention.

The final panel, The New Normal: Hope for the Future, focused on gaps in services. It was suggested that a council of DOD, VA, and private organizations partner to provide services to wounded warriors. One of the panelists lives two and a half hours away from the nearest VA hospital; both he and his wife were wounded veterans dealing with PTSD. “Placing a stigma on PTSD, something that is normal, is unacceptable.” It is not a disorder, it is a challenge. There was also a brief discussion about the preference to use the term post traumatic stress (PTS) instead of PTSD. My husband prefers PTS and has been using for months. “It is not a dis-order, implying you are out of order. It is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation.” The Egglestons’ friend and country singer Stephen Cochran was the colorful moderator of this panel, openly discussing his PTSD and how it affected his relationships.

Speaking at the closing session was Tammy Duckworth, a female wounded warrior and Assistant Secretary for Public and Intergovernmental Affairs at the VA. She spoke about treating the physical and psychological injuries of our wounded warriors. “We as a nation owe it to our warriors. Recovery to the new normal can last for an entire lifetime.” Ms. Duckworth stated that 45 percent of all women who have served in Iraq and Afghanistan have come to the VA for services, and that the fastest growing population of the VA is Vietnam veterans. She also stressed the importance of a single disability evaluation system (DES) rating system and DOD-VA collaboration.

All in all, it was a great and productive conference. Charles and I were so pleased that we could be a part of it. Visit www.defenseforumwashington.com and http://www.c-spanvideo.org/program/295407-1 for more information. (Editor's note: You can see Pam and Charles at about 55 minutes into the C-Span video.)

My Yoga Journey – Part 3

2010-09-04T13:45:00.000-04:00

For the past two weeks, I have practiced yoga almost every day. I am striving to practice every day for at least 20 minutes, and so far I have exceeded my expectations. Still, I want to make yoga an everyday goal for me. The benefits I am experiencing with consistent practice are tremendous. I can feel pain more specifically (so that I can adequately address it) and I am much more flexible. I also have more clarity of mind and my general disposition has been pleasant. I attribute much of this to my practice and to my diet which I am slowly changing to more fresh fruits and vegetables, many locally grown and/or organic. I am using the yogic philosophy of mind (yoga practice), body (healthy diet), and spirit (meditation) as such as I possibly can. Since I have come so far, I will not to punish myself for missing one or two days of practice. My yoga journey needs to be a positive one!

Yoga continues to help me be more present, more in the moment of my daily activities. This is a challenge, particularly since I am going through some changes and am extremely busy. But I am so happy that I can do a shoulder stand for half a minute! And the way I feel after I finish my practice is immeasurable. It gets me prepped for a good meditation, although I haven’t gotten to the point where I can dedicate 15 to 20 minutes to it. Meditation is something that is elusive to me; I need to set aside more time for it, and when I do meditate, my mind wanders too much, focusing on the day’s tasks or yesterday’s issues. Getting into the moment is not an easy thing for me to accomplish. With my yoga practice, I hope to improve.

One of my overall goals is to able to get into lotus pose within the next few months. My new Yoga Journal Magazine has a plan laid out for a practice that will enable flexibility and stamina. An added bonus would be if I could do a complete handstand. I will need dedication and patience to accomplish these; sometimes patience is hard for me but yoga is helping me to stay balanced and not sweat the small stuff.

My Yoga Journey – Part 2

2010-08-21T10:47:00.000-04:00

It has been two days since I practiced yoga and my body can feel it. It’s fantastic. How intuitive your body becomes, slowly but surely. Alas, during these past couple of days, I let life get in the way. Twenty-five minutes or so per day is not too much for me to spend time on myself, is it? Of course not. But instead of giving my body its daily dose of wow this beautiful summer morning, I chose procrastination. Part of my yoga journey is recognizing this fact, and part of it is to not beat myself up about it. I am too precious for that. To the mat I go.

My Yoga Journey – Part 1

2010-08-11T13:13:00.000-04:00

I have been consciously trying to incorporate yoga into my everyday life, and it has been a challenge. I started off, at the suggestion of friends, doing just 5 to 10 minutes of yoga a day. “Build up to a decent practice but start small” I was told. So, I began my practice with doing cat – cow poses, a series of downward facing dog and child’s poses, and some basic stretches. I felt my body appreciating it, so I continued to add other asanas to my yoga practice. I am now up to about 25 minutes per day, and now include shoulder stands, bridge, camel, cobra, dolphin, and plank, and other asanas that my body feels like doing that morning.

I am not new to yoga. I have been practicing on and off for nearly a decade. But life gets in the way, and I fall off the wagon. Recently, I went to Vegas, and because I didn’t like the way the yoga mats looked in the gym at the hotel, I didn’t do yoga for a week. No excuse; I should have taken one of my own mats. I felt out of sorts during those six days of no yoga. It is amazing how you can feel your body – what it wants and what it needs – when you practice yoga every day. I am constantly astounded by how my body is being transformed, and I continue to push my body just enough to feel yoga’s benefits.

I have also included in my summer reading Light on Yoga and Autobiography of a Yogi, both of which are too dense for the beach (I prefer James Patterson), but are extremely informative. I am also reading these books because I am considering becoming a yoga teacher. I have been toying with getting a yoga certification for some time, so I don’t know how or if this will come to fruition. Stay tuned.

Have True Faith

2010-07-21T13:00:00.000-04:00

I have been very busy these past few weeks. With writing grants, running to meetings, putting out fires, it is hard to have time for myself. I don’t complain, because I know there are those who are dealing with a lot more than me. Like Shirley Sherrod. CNN has covered the story, and has probably done the best job of doing so:

“A black former Agriculture Department official who resigned under pressure after a video clip surfaced of her discussing a white farmer said Wednesday the agency's decision to review her case is "bittersweet," but said she isn't sure she would accept her job back if it is offered.

Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack said early Wednesday that he will review the case of Shirley Sherrod, who resigned Monday after the video clip first appeared on a conservative website and later on Fox News.

In the video, Sherrod, the former USDA director of rural development for Georgia, seems to tell an audience at an NAACP function in March that she did not do her utmost to help a white farmer avoid foreclosure.

However, Sherrod later said the clip only shows part of her comments, and that she tells the story of her experience -- from nearly a quarter century ago when she was not a federal employee -- to illustrate the importance of moving beyond race.”

If only we were all so forthcoming. The way she was thinking was wrong; she could have acted on that thinking, but chose not to. That is a lesson learned, and a lesson worth sharing. So, why were they so quick to ask Sherrod to resign? Why didn’t they do an investigation before hand? It wouldn’t have taken long. And now, the government is looking into the case? Really?

Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack rushed to judge. The NAACP rushed to judge, saying that Fox News “snookered” them. No, you were had, you were hoodwinked. Everyone knows that video can be altered, so this is inconceivable. This all apparently stems from the NAACP/Tea Party battle, with the NAACP calling the Tea Party racist. With Sherrod’s “comments”, the Tea Party could say that Sherrod and the NAACP are the proprietors of “reverse racism”. Just the sounding board the Tea Party needs. The government and the NAACP should have had more faith; at least the NAACP has apologized.

Let’s get one thing clear: there is no reverse racism, only racism. Reverse racism implies that it is out of whack, like a car going in reverse, in the wrong direction. When the term “reverse racism” is used, it is used only in the context of referring to whites: do whites need their own, special term? I think not. Racism is racism: ugly and repulsive. Rising above it and having true faith in each other requires effort, understanding, and compassion.

Chairman's Corner: Independence Day 2010

2010-07-02T19:26:00.000-04:00

A Fourth of July message from Adm. Mullen, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff:

This Independence Day we celebrate our Nation’s 234th birthday. As this holiday weekend approaches and we enjoy parades, picnics and fireworks, I hope we also take a moment to remember the generations of Americans who have safeguarded our independence.

Today, there are more than 200,000 uniformed American men and women deployed in harm’s way, protecting us. Their steady lives of dedication remind us that our Nation’s promise must be tended to everyday. I won’t forget the gifts of their service far away from home or the sacrifices of the families who wait for their return.

Another way we tend to America’s promise is through our care and acknowledgment of our wounded warriors, their families, and the families of our fallen and our missing in action. For many, their healing will last a lifetime, and our commitment to them should be equally enduring.

President Dwight Eisenhower once observed that freedom resides in “the hearts, the actions and the spirit” of our people. Today, especially, we celebrate everything that Americans do – in both action and in spirit – to render that freedom inviolate.

The Joint Chiefs, their families, Deborah and I wish every citizen a happy and safe Independence Day. Happy Birthday America!

Support our Troops - Send a Message of Gratitude

2010-07-02T11:16:00.000-04:00

Truly Celebrate July 4th

2010-07-01T16:04:00.000-04:00

On this July 4th, military families across the nation are dealing with two ongoing wars and multiple deployments. In the midst of this, we can reflect on how freedom resonates for us: freedom is not free, and it is our service men and women who bear the brunt of the costs. This Independence Day, I hope and pray that Americans pause to appreciate what military families are facing day to day, and what this country’s independence truly means. I ask that you take this a step further by tangibly supporting our troops: help their families. How? Start by cutting the grass, baking a cake, or just being there to listen to them.

As a military spouse, I am just happy that I can spend a day of remembrance and reverence with my OIF wounded husband. Having to go through hell has made us both value life a little more, tolerate drama a little less, and take pleasure in sunsets, margaritas, and barbeques.

Letter to the Editor about Blue Star Museums

2010-06-10T19:49:00.000-04:00

I wrote this letter a week or so ago to spread the word about Blue Star Museums, a collaborative effort between Blue Star Families and the National Endowment of the Arts.

As a child growing up in the Washington Metropolitan area, I was lucky to have parents that exposed me to the wonders of art and culture. Often, the family visited the Smithsonian museums, including the Air and Space Museum and the Museum of African Art. Having access to free museums allowed me to expand my mind and gave me an appreciation for art, artists, and different cultures that I am forever thankful for.

In this recession, free access to enriching events and activities is a blessing. This past Memorial Day, we honored the fallen and the wounded. But how can we honor those military service members and their families that are currently serving? Blue Star Families has partnered with the National Endowment of the Arts to create Blue Star Museums, a collaboration of over 600 museums across the nation to provide free access for active duty military and their families from Memorial Day to Labor Day. For information and for a list of participating museums, visit www.bluestarmuseums.org, www.nea.gov, and www.bluestarfam.org.

As a military spouse and as director of development for Blue Star Families, I am proud to say that Blue Star Museums is growing with new, participating museums every day. It is indeed one of our finest programs.

PAMELA STOKES EGGLESTON

Purple Heart Wife

Director of Development,

Blue Star Families

Copyright © 2010 The Bowie Blade-News and Capital Gazette Communications, Inc. Copyright © 2010 Capital Gazette Communications, Inc., Annapolis MD USA

Poem - Collective Insanity

2010-06-08T15:51:00.000-04:00

I originally published this poem in 2008, but since the 2010 elections are around the corner I thought I would post it here.

People sprinting through life with prejudices
And judgments and opinions,
Convincing anyone who will listen
Of their feigned and deluded righteousness.

Reverends and priests coasting through life
In the pulpit with missives
And King James' and tithes in hand,
Telling all who will hear them
To convert and repent.

Politicians and activists ruining gullible lives
With lyrical and cynical rhetoric
Using truth and lies, fact and fiction,
Imploring citizens to act or perish.

Journalists and the media creating chaos and confusion
With the constant reporting of bullshit, violence,
And mixed messages,
Dispersing fear, anxiety, and unhappiness.

Terrorists and the impoverished incensed by the deal
God dealt them and so they go forth
Destroying lives deemed more fortunate
To make the pain explicable, to feel more human.
And to succumb to satisfaction in the wake of crafted carnage.

Racists, sexists, and bigots spewing a revolting brand
Of hate because of forlorn lives, spreading bigotry
And abhorrence to the masses to feel superior
And validated in egotistical states of mind.

What the hell is happening to us?

Good people do nothing,
Submitting to collective insanity,
Preferring to become armchair activists, sofa dissenters.
They choose to be silent and not to pursue
The preached rhetoric and passionate prose
With compelled action.
They choose to wade in the shallow trenches of torment,
Ignoring the palpable.
They choose what is happening to us.

What Memorial Day Meant To Me

2010-06-08T12:36:00.000-04:00

As I reflected on Memorial Day, I pondered what we as a society have assumed to think about the holiday. Formerly known as Decoration Day, it commemorates service men and women who died while serving our country in the military. But what does this really mean? And if you are not connected to the military, is Memorial Day just another day off and a lead in to summer vacation?

For me, Memorial Day meant remembering how blessed I am every day. My husband, an OIF Purple Heart veteran, is lucky to be alive. He was hit by an IED blast and was clinically dead before being transferred to Longstool, Germany for emergency medical care. Over 50 surgeries later and a long, four-year stint at the Walter Reed Army Medical Center, we are now strong advocates for OIF and OEF service members, veterans, and their families.

Memorial Day was a day for me to pay homage to the fallen and to the wounded. As a Purple Heart wife, I cannot help but care for our wounded warriors, and their spouses, girlfriends, parents, and children. I understand what they are going through, and what they will continue to go through for a long time to come. This is a club that I did not plan to be a member of, but one that I take very seriously. So, I visited wounded soldiers and their families, volunteered with the USO, attended a veterans press conference in Maryland, and participated in Memorial Day activities to include Rolling Thunder and a visit to the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in Washington, DC.

I spent Memorial Day thankful that I have each day to spend with my husband, and reflect on how this chance was almost taken away from me. I struggled to forget how I cried for days on end while he was gone. I painfully remembered how I became physically ill when he was injured the first, second and third time. I recalled how I had to rinse his blood-soaked boots in the bathtub. I remembered how he was treated at Walter Reed, good, bad and indifferent. I will never forget the look on his face when he left me to serve this great nation, or when he returned to it. In the midst of all of this reflection, I also honored my father’s service in the Air Force and my grandfather’s service during World War II.

I prayed that society would look upon Memorial Day as more than just a holiday and a time to barbeque, but as a day of heartfelt gratitude for our service men and women, and of humility for their service to protect our great nation. Instead of pulling out the yellow ribbon “Support our Troops” magnets, I hope that you put your support on this day, and every day, into tangible action. Reach out to those who have lost a service member in the line of duty. Visit the wounded at Walter Reed and Bethesda Naval Center. Volunteer with a veteran or military service organization. And enjoy summer barbeques and beach trips with a more transparent understanding and appreciation for the men, women, and families of our military.

Blue Star Museums: 600 Museums Nationwide Offer Military Families Free Admission

2010-05-25T13:55:00.000-04:00

Blue Star Families, in partnership with the National Endowment of the Arts, is piloting a program called Blue Star Museums nationwide. This program will offer free admission to active duty military service members and their families from Memorial Day to Labor Day, and is the first of its kind. Please read the article below for more information.

By BRETT ZONGKER
The Associated Press
Sunday, May 23, 2010; 7:31 PM

WASHINGTON -- More than 600 museums nationwide are offering free admission to military families all summer in a new partnership with the National Endowment for the Arts.

The list includes some of the nation's premier art museums, including New York's Museum of Modern Art and the Art Institute of Chicago, as well as science centers, children's museums and other sites in all 50 states.

The program, called Blue Star Museums, is being announced Monday in San Diego, where 14 museums will participate. The offer for active duty military personnel and their families runs from Memorial Day through Labor Day.

It was the brainchild of Kathy Roth-Douquet, chairwoman of the group Blue Star Families. Her husband, Marine Corps Col. Greg Douquet, is on his third deployment to Afghanistan.

"You can feel a little alone in America right now, being part of the 1 percent that's involved in fighting these wars," she said, adding that the recession has changed priorities for many people. "When the kids and I go to museums this summer, we know we're being welcomed. It will make us feel less alone."

Roth-Douquet, who lives in Parris Island, S.C., said military bases are sometimes far from cultural centers, though museums can be a good escape.

The Defense Department is helping to promote the offer, and Roth-Douquet said some military bases may coordinate bus trips.

When her family was based in London for a time, she and her son and daughter spent an entire summer visiting museums because many were free. As a result, she said, her 8-year-old son Charlie now draws for hours each day.

This summer, they're planning a road trip along the East Coast to visit museums. Normally, a $20 ticket to MoMA in New York might rule it out, she said. Now they could also stop for free at Washington's Corcoran Gallery of Art or New York's Jewish Museum.

NEA Chairman Rocco Landesman said he was surprised by how many museums joined the effort, despite the poor economy, from the Alaska Aviation Heritage Museum to the International Quilt Study Center and Museum in Nebraska.

"I think it is good karma for the museums," he said. "Long-term, it promotes museum-going and engagement with the arts."
Also, over Memorial Day weekend in New York City, Sen. Kristen Gillibrand has announced more than 50 museums and historic sites will offer free admission to military personnel and veterans.

Business Intent, Part 5: Doing What’s Right

2010-05-22T10:31:00.006-04:00

For the past few weeks, I’ve been writing about business ethics, integrity, and social responsibility in an effort to recognize what happened to me these past weeks. Make no mistake; I fully comprehend human nature and the appeal to use and take without regard for consequences. What I hope to impart here is awareness; listen to your instincts and your heart. I had a gut feeling about my particular situation and those involved. And I usually listen to my instincts. But in this scenario I told myself that the idea was such a great one that I could not let it slip away, and so I ignored my intuition. I was doing what was easy, but never again. From now on, I am wholly into doing what’s right.

There are some simple rules for doing what’s right, and you probably know most of them. We know the difference between right and wrong, good and bad. What is important to note is how you would feel and what the implications of your actions would be if you chose an unethical path.

When striving to do what’s right, ask the following questions:
• Is it legal?
• Does it comply with company rules and regulations?
• Is it in sync with organizational values?
• Will you be comfortable and guilt-free if you do it?
• Does it match stated commitments and guarantees?
• Would I do it to my family or friends?
• Would it be okay for someone to do it to me?
• Would the most ethical person you know do it? (http://ethics.georgesmay.com/doing_right.htm)

Gandhi stated that “it is difficult, but not impossible, to conduct strictly honest business.” I agree, though sometimes it is easier to take the high road. Many times, our ego gets in our way. We convince ourselves that we are smarter than we are, that we are innovators of an idea, that our business partners are not pulling their weight. Our pride allows us to exploit people and then sleep at night. Misguided ego and pride can blind us, lie to us, and lead us towards rash and unethical business decisions. Remarkable ideas come a dime a dozen, but remarkable people do not. "The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie -- deliberate, contrived, and dishonest -- but the myth -- persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic." - John F. Kennedy

Business Intent, Part 4: Wellness and Spirituality

2010-05-16T19:20:00.001-04:00

In an effort to stay current and accommodate growing markets, many businesses are instituting wellness programs. According to a podcast on the Gallup Management Journal, there are five elements to overall wellbeing: career, wellbeing, social wellbeing, financial wellbeing, physical wellbeing, and community wellbeing. Not surprisingly, “the first element is about how you occupy your time or simply liking what you do every day: your career wellbeing.” (http://gmj.gallup.com) Also, spirituality in the workplace is becoming more commonplace (some say due to the 9/11 tragedy) because people yearn for more meaning in and passion about their work. Organizations that institute wellness and spiritual/values programs may just have the competitive edge: content and fulfilled workers are, after all, better employers.

Tragedy, and a desire for a balanced life, may contribute to the movement towards workplace spirituality. Although many Americans are not necessarily religious, more than one-fifth consider themselves to be spiritual, according to an Oxford University Press article by Robert C. Fuller. “The word spiritual gradually came to be associated with a private realm of thought and experience while the word religious came to be connected with the public realm of membership in religious institutions, participation in formal rituals, and adherence to official denominational doctrines.” I think many people have tired of going to church every Sunday, or perhaps believe that they can tap into the divine themselves, in their own time, and their own way.

So, how does wellness and spirituality translate into the workplace? I was often told to leave religion and politics at home, but throughout my career, I realize that this is often not the case. And, I do have mixed feeling about this. I don’t care to listen to sermons and debates at work when I am trying to focus on the tasks at hand. Still, I believe organizations can keep it simple. “As business leaders, we can learn how to integrate personal and spiritual values into the workplace -- concern for wellbeing, caring, responsibility, honesty, and equanimity -- to stimulate quantum leaps in creativity, process improvement, customer service, and other business values.” Healthy, happy workers that are passionate about what they do will positively affect a company’s bottom line. By viewing them first as spiritual beings, and then focusing on their health, spirituality and wellness become the context for what follows (www.workplacespirituality.info). Business leaders that focus on this aspect, and not on workers as just physical bodies, will experience a plethora of organizational creativity and motivation. “There is one thing stronger than all the armies in the world, and that is an idea whose time has come.” – Victor Hugo

Business Intent, Part 3: Social Responsibility

2010-05-09T22:23:00.005-04:00

Can businesses truly be socially responsible? Can corporations have social responsibilities? These questions have been pondered and tossed around for some time. And for some time, we have seen organizations tout social responsibility because it is the right thing to do, but not really give a damn about actually doing it. Wikipedia states that “social responsibility is an ethical or ideological theory that a corporate entity has a responsibility to society at large. This responsibility can be negative, meaning there is exemption from blame or liability, or it can be positive, meaning there is a responsibility to act beneficently.” To me, it is an ethical responsibility to one’s environment and to society. Businesses do not run themselves, people do. Thus, people are socially responsible for ensuring that the organizations they work with and for are just that.

Some literature states that the social responsibility of organizations is only to increase profits and fend off fraud, most notably in Milton Friedman’s famous New York Times article. Accordingly, many corporations believe this notion, but I vehemently disagree with this. Haven’t the Enron and subprime lending debacles taught us anything? And most recently, the Susan G. Komen Foundation, an organization that I have supported for years through the Global Race for the Cure, decided to use KFC as a marketing partner. When I saw the pink bucket in the commercial, I just knew it was a joke. I, like many, love KFC chicken but I also know that it holds little nutritional value. I mean, fried chicken is supposed to be unhealthy and finger-licking good. But what I wasn’t aware of were the links the chicken has to cancer and pesticides. This seems like a “drug deal” of sorts to focus solely on increased profits, and it clouded SGK’s social responsibility to eradicate breast cancer and help survivors of breast cancer lead healthy, happy lives.

I just finished reading Business Stripped Bare: Adventures of a Global Entrepreneur, by Sir Richard Branson, the head of Virgin. What I gleaned from his social responsibility chapter was that organizations should ask themselves what they can do to make a difference; “we should all pledge to do nothing that we’d regret reading about in the press.” SGK should make this book a standard read for its leadership. I understand the necessity to raise capital as a development director. But, says Branson, “capitalism should pay far more attention to people and to the resources of this planet.” Organizations can and do earn substantive amounts of money when they listen to their employees and work towards the common good, spreading their reach wide and far.

A Humanist Code of Ethics:
Do no harm to the earth, she is your mother.
Being is more important than having.
Never promote yourself at another's expense.
Hold life sacred; treat it with reverence.
Allow each person the dignity of his or her labor.
Open your home to the wayfarer.
Be ready to receive your deepest dreams;
sometimes they are the speech of unblighted conscience.
Always make restitutions to the ones you have harmed.
Never think less of yourself than you are.
Never think that you are more than another. – Arthur Dobrin

Blue Star Families' Military Family Lifestyle Survey

2010-05-03T16:11:00.001-04:00

This May, Blue Star Families is launching its 2010 Military Family Lifestyle Survey. The survey offers a unique opportunity for military families to let our civilian and military leaders hear the issues most important to military families in this time of war and increased OpTempo. BSF's 2009 survey results were released in Congress, led off a hearing of the House Armed Services Committee and were quoted frequently by the First Lady. A top finding last year was that 94% of military families feel that the larger community doesn't understand or appreciate the sacrifices they make.

Participants in the 2010 survey, will have the chance to win a randomly selected $300 prize and one of three $1000 prizes awarded to the best ideas to help military families. Blue Star Families is conducting this survey in partnership with many prominent military and service organizations, including the USO, Military.com, the American Red Cross, the National Military Family Association, the National Guard Association of the United States, the VFW, the Military Spouse Corporate Career Network, Be the Change, the Military Child Education Coalition, the Blue Shield of California Foundation, the Veterans Innovation Center, the Armed Services YMCA, the Reserve Officers Association, Operation Homefront, the Military Officers Association of America, and Military Spouse Magazine.

BSF would be thrilled if, after taking the survey yourself, you could help us reach out to the military families, veterans and service members who are in your network. The following links and scripts will make it easy for you to help get the word out. You can post the information on your personal website, put it out in a newsletter or email, use Facebook/Twitter, and even share the promotional video. Please let us know how you are getting the message out through your networks.

The survey runs until June 1st. After that we’ll go into the evaluation and analysis phase for a release of the results in September. If you participate in publicizing the survey, we will, of course, email you with the survey results as they become available. Blue Star Families will use the results of this survey to examine how military support organizations can affect positive outcomes via involvement with the greater community, and ensure that we are involved with other key governmental agencies when discussing military issues and the broader community and provide them with a more nuanced perspective of military family life.

Thank you for your participation. If you have any questions about the survey, please email Blue Star Families at survey@bluestarfam.org and visit www.bluestarfam.org.

Business Intent, Part 2: Can businesses thrive without transparency?

2010-04-30T13:14:00.000-04:00

Not really, although some corporations make a huge attempt to grow and profit without the benefit of good communication and shared clarity. How open does an organization have to be with its communication? Open enough so that you don’t run into shady business deals, fraud, and Enron-like scandals. Sufficiently open so that your staff and board know what the mission is and where the vision will take the organization. In the second part of Business Intent, I want to explore the issues surrounding disclosure and communication, while shedding light on some recent incidents I have experienced. Nietzsche said what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and I am using this motto to learn from the past.

Some time ago, I was introduced to the Sarbanes-Oxley Act. As a result of major corporate and accounting scandals such as Enron and Halliburton, the law was enacted to hold organizations more accountable for their business practices. I am glad to note that one of the organizations I currently work for has ensured that this law permeates through its day to day business activities. Some corporations have to be policed, and in doing so, make things more laborious for those companies that are doing what’s right.

Financial transparency is important for a corporation, but program transparency and accountability are critical for any business to flourish. Learning from my past business experience, I have concluded that any organization that does not use an open communication and disclosure policy is doomed to fail. And, I found this amusing quote on the web that speaks to this: “While the typical CEO is only too happy to pocket the lucrative financial rewards that come with the mantle of leadership, some seem reluctant to accept this degree of accountability - especially if it means personally taking the rap for non-compliance with the law. I guess not many corporate heads are convinced that a minimum-security sabbatical in an orange jumpsuit will be as good for their careers as it seems to have been for Martha Stewart's (http://wistechnology.com/articles/1711/).” Some would say that Ms. Stewart got to keep her money, but who wants to go to jail? There are always penalties for unethical and fraudulent activity. If ethics and transparency are collectively utilized, then accountability is easy.

A company, particularly one that is a start-up, cannot grow and prosper if they are unclear on the mission and how to get there. My dilemma was that I did not fully know about the financials or the programmatic aspects of what the organization was doing, and as a result, shady “drug deals” crept into the fray. Stepping away never felt so good! “To open a shop is easy, to keep it open is an art.” – Chinese Proverb

Business Intent, Part 1: Do business and ethics go hand in hand?

2010-04-25T10:41:00.000-04:00

This seems like an obvious, easy question. Of course they do, right? But so many times, businesses ignore ethics and shun accountability to singularly focus on profit margins and growth. Sometimes, business and ethics are at war with each other. In my experience, respect and value for diversity and varying ideals are critical to the bottom line. Treat others as you would want to be treated: with trust, respect, and honesty. These are the ethical tenets of any good business practice, and help to define, shape, and grow an organization.

Anyone who knows me and knows my heart’s intent understands that I take business ethics and accountability very seriously. Over the past several years, I have worked at places where the ethics were questionable, bordering on illegal, and seemingly all for the sake of funding, prestige, or to keep a job. At one company, my supervisor was suspected of making what my husband calls a “drug deal”: she wanted to secure her position, while simultaneously selling out her employees behind closed doors. This concealment and deception, from a person whom I respected and considered a mentor, came as a shock, particularly since she often said that she took care of her staff. She did for a time, getting us raises when there was little funding, and allowing us the flexibility to attend school and work from home. But when the road got rocky, she threw us under the bus.

Individual contributions and team work have no place in an environment like this. Most recently, I was a part of an organization developed to raise funding for veterans and their families dealing with post traumatic stress (PTS) and traumatic brain injury (TBI), the "signature invisible wounds" of war. The idea is a great one, and I was asked, along with my husband, an OIF wounded warrior, to help bring the idea to fruition. With all good ideas come bad people, and when a “drug deal” was made (supposedly unbeknownst to me) and select members of the team agreed to raise funding only if they could keep a substantive share, we both decided to walk away from the project. Consequently, it was like a weight was lifted from my chest. Many of our prospective sponsors pulled out; we were getting an individual donation of $5,000 from one of our advisory board members in early May, with other corporate donations to follow. I am happy that my reputation is still intact, and that our true and trusted colleagues were there to support us.

I wish no ill will towards anyone, because I see everything as a learning experience. I also understand fear, ego, greed, the human condition, and that money solicited through dishonesty is fleeting. Only cultivated, honest relationships last and endure. “A warrior of light who trusts too much in his intelligence will end up underestimating the power of his opponent.” – Paulo Coelho

Help the Children in Haiti

2010-01-16T12:17:00.000-05:00

My best friend Regine Clermont, is a Haitian American whose mother founded the Clermont Foundation based in Jacmel, Haiti. The Foundation is dedicated to serving homeless boys. The orphanage that serves 21 boys was severely damaged and now the boys are living outside. If you can, please go to http://currentsbetweenshores.blogspot.com for more information.

Panes of the Heart

2009-12-11T14:11:00.000-05:00

It has been a while since I last posted here. I have been very busy with my Blue Star Families work, and also diligently working on my writing. Some of you know that I have recently completed a poetry book entitled Panes of the Heart just in time for the holidays. A synopsis of the book is below.

In a world of materialism, selfishness, and greed, love is often pushed to the rear. Society tells us that we are incomplete without it, and at the same time leads us down a path where love has no direction. In the midst of this uncertainty, the comforts of family, relationships, and friends let us know that true love is possible. From infatuation to heartache, love is the universal energy that binds the world. Panes of the Heart is an exploration of this enigmatic force.

Beautiful illustrations and moving poems make this book, written by two sisters, unique. Part of the proceeds from this book will be donated to help military families.

Go to http://stores.lulu.com/panesofheart to order. Thanks for your support!!

Coping with Unseen Injuries: From Battlefront to Homefront

2009-09-28T21:06:00.000-04:00

On Wednesday, September 16, 2009, I attended Defense Forum Washington: an all-day conference titled “Coping with Unseen Injuries: From Battlefront to Homefront.” The event, sponsored collaboratively by the United States Naval Institute (USNI) and the Military Officers’ Association of America (MOAA), was very comprehensive in scope as it provided a plethora of information through focused panel sessions and speaker presentations. I did my usual bevy of networking, speaking with Joy Dunlap, Sue Hoppin, and other staff from MOAA, Tom Wilkinson, CEO, and his staff from USNI, Kristy Kaufmann, Matt Flavin from the White House, Rep. Wu, and key representation/sponsors from TRIWest, USAA, and others.

The first speaker was Adm. Mullen. He talked about the importance of taking care of our service members upon their return home and how critical reintegration programs and processes are for them and their families. Adm. Mullen also spoke of his experiences with the Mid East region, having travelled there extensively throughout this year and visiting with the troops stationed in Iraq and Afghanistan.

He spoke about the critical needs of those suffering from post traumatic stress (PTS: he purposefully left off the D for disorder) and traumatic brain injury (TBI), and mentioned that his office is doing everything they can to insure that the troops and veterans get what they need during the reintegration process. Thereafter, a few questions were posed to the Admiral, most notably by SSgt. Charles J. Eggleston, who introduced himself and inquired about what his office was doing to help and support those veterans returning from the conflicts to secure good jobs. Adm. Mullen politely said hello to Charles (they have played golf together) and then told everyone in the audience that his email was King Charles (it is, and don’t ask me why).

Adm. Mullen then said that his new staffer could point the way to some of the creative programs that they are starting and to speak with him directly for more information and connections. His staffer (I cannot recall the name but someone from BSF has been speaking with him) had my contact information already and knows us well through Mrs. Mullen.

The panel sessions were also very informative. The first panel, “Managing the Battlefield and Beyond – A Leadership View”, was very informative and discussed new programs (e.g., Yellow Ribbon and AW2) that are helping our wounded warriors. The second panel, “Implications of Unseen Injuries: How Do We Respond on the Homefront?” was about the research portion of the issues surrounding care for the wounded and how long we will have to look after our wounded warriors (as Adm. Mullen stated, the implications of these wars and its injured will extend out for decades as you consider the families of the wounded). The last panel, “Caring for Families and Caregivers: Facing the Truth”, was about the experiences of caregivers: one mother and one spouse who dramatically changed their lived to care for their son and husband, respectively. The mother’s experiences in Florida at the VA and with the Army’s case management were not good at all. As she was telling her story, she was brought to tears, and so was I. The spouse’s experiences with the Marines were markedly different, and much better. She did not have the problems connecting with her Marine case managers at all.

All in all, it was a great forum, with lots of information packed into one day; a very good use of a day indeed. To top it off, the Hon. Tammy Duckworth spoke in the closing session. She was recuperating at Walter Reed while my husband was there; yes, they know each other. She spoke of her experiences as a Blackhawk pilot and her injuries, and her resilience. What a great day!

It has been a while since my last blog

2009-06-13T15:51:00.000-04:00

I know, I know. It has been such a long time since I last wrote here. And, not to make excuses, but it is because of my work at Blue Star Families. I have been so busy with my new roles as Director of Development and as a Blue Star Voices blogger that I have neglected my own blog. Bad news. In addition, I am writing a book with my sister. This seems to be taking forever because we both have numerous projects on our plates. The good news is that I am still writing!

I am happy that the warm weather has arrived, and I have been thoroughly enjoying the outdoors. I am not one of those people you'll hear complaining about how hot it is because I know how cold it can get. Last winter was mild, but I have experienced ice storms that will make you wish for a heatwave. Besides, I can take the heat; in fact, I just turned on my air conditioner a few days ago. Yeah, I can handle the heat.

So now I will depart with the promise to blog more, write more, and stress less.

Blue Star Families Survey

2009-03-30T10:35:00.001-04:00

Military Families! Be sure you are a part of the conversation about what we need by taking 10 minutes to complete the Top Military Family Issues Survey 2.0 by clicking on the link on our website www.BlueStarFam.org. While you’re there, take a look around to see the new direction of the group and join us to receive notice of the survey results.

We’ve partnered with the American Red Cross, USO, National Military Family Association, Armed Forces YMCA, Military Spouse Magazine and Military.com to present this survey, the results of which will be released to the media and top government officials.

The survey will take less than 10 minutes and closes on March 31.

The February Chronicles of Pamela, Part 2

2009-02-21T11:34:00.000-05:00

My birthday has come and gone. I am thankful that I have been blessed to see another year. I did not treat myself to the massage and pedicure that I planned, but that’s okay. It seems as though I was on the phone my entire birthday as friends and family called from all over to wish me health and happiness on my special day. I think it is wonderful to be loved and needed: by true friends and by family who have through the years become true friends.

I am so privileged to have true and great friends. Friends and family who are honest, possess great integrity, and who call me on my BS from time to time, as needed. Friends and family who do not gossip, who may have issues but address them with therapy, medication, God, and love, and friends and family who are not haters and not motivated by jealousy, dislike for themselves, and deep seated unhappiness within themselves.

I believe that you know what I speak of. Over the years, I have ridded myself of those “friends” who could not restrain their demons and who did not care enough to deter themselves from slipping into hater behavior. You know: the gossiping, secretly (or not so secretly) wishing the worst for you and yours, practicing passive deception, spreading negative vibes. We all know people like this; I have chosen to stay away from them. I truly believe that I have been placed on this earth for a reason and given the gifts of life, light, and love. Negativity and bad energy have no place within these gifts. Life must be lived to the fullest, and its journey must be wholly experienced.

The February Chronicles of Pamela, Part 1

2009-02-06T14:30:00.000-05:00

This month is my birthday month. Another year has come and gone for me. I often ask what I have done for myself. I am really good, probably better than most, at taking care of myself with massages, manicures, pedicures, etc. but lately I haven’t done too well in that category. I used to read fiction voraciously and I can only remember one nonfiction book I read a week or so ago. I think I am taking myself too seriously, in part because I am so dedicated to what I am doing, and also because it is winter, and I like to hibernate like a bear. When the weather breaks, and spring arrives, I’ll be outside running, walking, relaxing, and reminiscing.

So what am I going to do for my birthday? For starters, I will not divulge my age. Suffice it to say that I look pretty damn good. Alas, I will let it be known that I will most likely get a massage that is so long overdue. And I will be eating chocolate, three pounds of it, even if I am on a diet. Stay tuned for more….

My Inauguration Experience

2009-01-26T15:24:00.000-05:00

It all began on the afternoon of Monday, January 19, 2009. Martin Luther King Day. I was cleaning around the house and preparing for an evening at the Blue Star Families for Obama Victory Party at Fort Belvoir, VA when I received a call from the USO of Metropolitan Washington asking my husband Charles and I to be in the Inaugural Parade. Initially I said no because of the cold, chilly weather and the fact that my husband has titanium throughout much of his body, which tightens and gets painful in the cold. Alas, we were made an offer we could not refuse, and I packed my clothes for the Inauguration festivities.

Later that evening, we attended the Blue Star Families for Obama Victory Party. Now Blue Star Families, the organization helped to get the message of pro-military, pro-Obama out to the masses. We did so much work canvassing, hosting house parties, and spreading the message that Obama supports the military, including spouses and families. We had a lot to celebrate, and I am glad that I was able to help BSF plan and host the party. About 100 members and invited guests were in attendance! (http://www.marinecorpstimes.com/news/2009/01/military_bluestar_families_012009w/)
It was a great way to meet BSF members from across the country who came into town for the inauguration. Blue Star Families (www.bsf40.com) will now focus on educating those who are in leadership and promote the interests of military families.

January 20, 2009 was a very busy day for us. We woke up at 4 am, drove to Walter Reed, got into a USO-sponsored truck, drove to Fort Riley, VA, rode to the Pentagon, got debriefed and security checked, waited, ate lunch, waited, returned to the USO vans, left for the parade route, and waited again, all before 12 pm. I was so happy about the day that I didn’t notice how tired and exhausted I was. After we heard President Obama sworn in as the 44th President of the United States over the radio, we waited some more, taking naps, reading, and listening to IPods. Due to the illnesses of Sens. Burns and Kennedy, and because of an unruly horse (who unfortunately had an accident with a vehicle and had to be put down) we waited longer than expected. As long as I stayed in the heated van, I was fine. But it was soon time for us to get out of the warmth and walk towards the USO float. It was the last float in the parade, and so many people had left, but the Obamas were there, still waving at us as though we were the first. It was worth the wait.

It was about 8 pm or so. We had to change to go to the Commander In Chief Ball. We wanted to go to the hotel to change but the traffic was so horrific that we did not have time. We had to go straight to the ball at the National Building Museum. My husband and I changed on the second floor in the bathroom. This was not a problem because I can adapt to a lot, and we had the best view in the house. Second floor, center stage, next to Katie Couric. We took some fairly decent pictures with those tiny cameras you can fit inside of a clutch. Having the chance to be in the same room with the Bidens and the Obamas was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

At about 10:30 pm, we went to the USO Inaugural Concert at the Warner Theatre. We had VIP passes to go upstairs, where there was food and a DJ. I was hungry and didn’t fully realize it until I saw the food. It was scrumptious. We left at about 1:30 am in vans going to Walter Reed. Once we returned to Walter Reed, my husband and I got into our car and left for home. We returned home at 4 am.

This day, Inauguration Day, was one of the longest days I have had in a while. Was it worth it? Most definitely. Experiencing history has no price.

Are we truly in a recession?

2009-01-14T09:29:00.000-05:00

Yes, we are. Yes, I have personally experienced it, as I was laid off late last year. Money is tight for a diva. Well, I’m not really a diva, but I am fabulous, and it is my fabulousity that cries silently as I have given up the comforts of regular pedicures and white chocolate mochas from Starbuck’s. Whoa is me. What does this mean for you?

First, let us review some basic stats. Is the unemployment rate at about 7 percent or higher? It depends on how you look at it. If you are strictly examining jobless rates, then the number is 7.2 percent. However, if you include those working part-time but cannot gain full time employment, then this number swells to about 13.5 percent. What is important to note is that the 7.2 rate is still the highest this country has experienced in 16 years (NY Times, January 10, 2009).

To address this growing problem, President-Elect Obama has introduced an aggressive stimulus package, with no earmarks, no less. I hope it works, and I hope I get a significant check. The last stimulus check was incidental and I guess I was one of the few who didn’t run out to spend it. I put it in my savings account because a little birdie told me that the economy was going to get worse, and that I may need it to pay bills later. I was right; that birdie has never told me a lie. Never.

The proposed stimulus package seems significant enough. “At a news conference in Washington, Mr. Obama said that behind the latest job statistics were “real lives, real suffering, real fears,” and Congress must bring Americans relief by quickly enacting a stimulus plan. Asked whether he was worried that some lawmakers thought his proposed stimulus program, estimated at $775 billion, was too small, he responded that others thought it was too big and said he was open to a “whole host of ideas” in consultation with Congress.” (NY Times, January 10, 2009). Damn! That is a lot of money, but so what. Congress was quick to bail out Wall Street, when half of them should be in jail, and fairly swift to help the car companies, so I want what’s mine. And I want other people hit by these hard times, these “real lives,” to get what’s theirs.

I am in no way disillusioned about the current state of the economy. I know that President-Elect Obama will not fix this crisis during his term. This is the kind of CF that takes years to repair. Nevertheless, Obama has given me hope (well, I always have hope) but he has put the icing on my cake of hope. His speech at George Mason University last week resonated with me. One key point that he mentioned:

“The very fact that this crisis is largely of our own making means that it's not beyond our ability to solve. Our problems are rooted in past mistakes, not our capacity for future greatness. It will take time, perhaps many years, but we can rebuild that lost trust and confidence. We can restore opportunity and prosperity. We should never forget that our workers are still more productive than any on Earth. Our universities are still the envy of the world. We are still home to the most brilliant minds, the most creative entrepreneurs and the most advanced technology and innovation that history has ever known. And we are still the nation that has overcome great fears and improbable odds.”

Hell yes. But how does this translate for us? Hire American and hire legally, period. And bring those corporations who hired illegally to justice. Everyone speaks of putting up fences around the borders, yadda yadda, save for a key reason why this is even an issue is because of the illegal activity of corporations in this country. It is so like us to focus on the bottom of a problem, when we should go straight to the top to hold those there accountable. And let’s get behind Obama’s American Recovery and Reinvestment Plan. Let’s be present in this moment and invest in America’s future.

My Recent Layoff

2009-01-01T22:12:00.000-05:00

As a result of my recent layoff, I thought that I would have ample time to relax, to write, and to catch up on my reading. To wit, I have been busier than I was during my employment at my last job of six years. Yes, I am one of the recession’s victims, having been let go in October, but paid administrative leave until January 1, 2009. Today is my last day!

Please, please do not feel sorry for me. It was truly one of the best things that could have happened. During the past two years, the work at my last job became trite and meaningless, and I am glad that I received pay for these past few months without having to go into the office. Be careful what you pray for!

The past three months have been fantastic. I read voraciously and journal daily. I have been working with veteran service organizations (VSOs) and veteran advocacy groups to help our returning soldiers and wounded warriors. I have been diligently working with the National Association of American Veterans (www.naavets.org) to help the organization address the needs of the caregiver, the single veteran, and women veterans. I also serve as advisory board member for Blue Star Families for Obama (www.bsf4o.com) and hope to serve as a regional representative for the organization.

I have been busy attending meetings and participating in conference calls all in the service of our veterans and military families. I attended a meeting with Business and Professional Women (http://www.bpwusa.org), and I hope to assist BPW with their Women Joining Forces Program. Additionally, I have attended a women veterans focus group on Capital Hill, as well as conference calls with Sydminds, an organization helping veterans obtain employment (www.sydminds.com).

I mention all of this to say that I have enjoyed these past few months more than the previous two years at my last job. Why? I feel I am giving back to a cause I know and feel strongly about. My husband is an OIF veteran, so I feel compelled to help all those veterans I know are in need. My passions are to write and to give back. My wish for 2009 is to continue my work with and for our veterans and to continue writing about these important issues.

I would encourage all who have been recently laid off or furloughed to consider what your passion is, to follow your bliss. Ask yourself: what do you really want to be doing or better yet, what should you be doing? Make 2009 a year to remember and to cherish!

USO and Microsoft Salute the Troops

2008-11-15T20:42:00.000-05:00

On Veterans Day weekend, November 7-9, my husband and I attended the USO’s Salute to Our Troops event in New York City. In its second year, “A Salute to Our Troops is a national program honoring the many faces of courage and inspiration belonging to individuals who demonstrate selfless dedication to our country.” The program seeks to inspire others into action and show unified support for our service men and women and their families. What a wonderful and special event. It was very well organized, and I was humbled by the all of the USO staff and volunteers. The Microsoft Corporation partnered with the USO to show their appreciation for the military community by recognizing and thanking them for their service. Many celebrities came out for the events, including retired football players like Bill Denk, actors like Carmen Electra, and sports commentator James Brown. It was an absolutely fantastic affair!

Microsoft and the USO hosted about 25 wounded warriors from the Walter Reed Army Medical Center and the Bethesda Naval Center to participate in a wide array of activities throughout New York City. The great variety of events included the following:

A warrior welcome On Friday evening at the Hard Rock Café in Times Square;
A US Coast Guard tour of New York Harbor and the Statue of Liberty;
A stop at Ground Zero honoring the fallen and our wounded warriors;
Lunch in Little Italy;
Dinner at the American Museum of Natural History; and
A private showing of the Radio City Christmas Spectacular.

The private showing of the Radio City Christmas Spectacular upheld the USO tradition of entertaining the troops and gave the wounded warriors a chance to spend time with their families by starting the holiday season with a bang. My husband and I had a wonderful time and I am sure that many of the wounded warriors on the trip were overtaken by the experience. It is nice to know that there are people who genuinely care about the troops returning from OIF, OEF, and subsequently all conflicts.

“Our service members and the USO volunteers who serve them exemplify leadership, duty and discipline, inspiring us to consider the various ways we can give back,” said Curt Kolcun, vice president of Microsoft U.S. Public Sector. “A Salute to Our Troops is our way of recognizing their sacrifices and honoring their efforts by providing some exciting New York moments they won’t forget.” “A Salute to Our Troops once again aims to bring joy and show gratitude to our service men and women and their families for all they do for this country,” said Brian Whiting, president of USO of Metropolitan New York. “As we host them here in New York, in the proud tradition of partnership with our USO-Metro D.C. counterparts, we hope Americans will join us in considering ways they themselves can give back to those who give so much.”

Please visit the A Salute to Our Troops community at http://www.salutetoourtroops.org.

Blue Star Families For Obama: Pro-Military, Pro-Obama

2008-10-10T21:48:00.000-04:00

I am an advisory board member of Blue Star Families for Obama, a pro-Military, pro-Obama organization that understands the trying times we are currently faced with. Lies about Obama are being spread wide: it is imperative that we squash the notion of all military families supporting McCain; this could not be farther from the truth.

Please read the press release below for more information and look at the video for the real truth.

Press Release

Angie Morgan ~ Communications Director, Blue Star Families for Obama
571- 235- 4956
amorgan@leadstar.us
www.bsf4o.com

Blue Star Families Launch Video: Why We are Pro-Military, Pro-Obama

Blue Star Families for Obama launched a video today that articulates why Senator Barack Obama can count on military families for their votes on November 4th .

The video features eight military spouses who share their reasons for voting for Sen. Obama over Sen. McCain. One Blue Star family member shares: McCain claims to work for us. His actions don’t always agree. He campaigned against the new GI Bill, Voted against troop safety equipment, against vets health care, has a 20 percent rating from the Disabled American Vets.

Another Blue Star adds: Barack Obama shows he understands today's military. Obama will help reservists and military families, and he’s frontlined mental health care, co-sponsored the GI Bill.

As Cindy McCain and Governor Sarah Palin leverage their Blue Star status to parlay votes for Senator John McCain, BSF4O has been actively educating and informing the military community on why Sen. Obama is the right presidential candidate and would make the best Commander in Chief for our country.

BSF4O is a grassroots organization created by Army and Marine spouses who have a Pro-Military, Pro-Obama message. As a membership organization, BSF4O communicates with thousands of military family members through outreach programs and is active in 24 states.

Never before has the military family community shown their overwhelming support for the Democratic candidate. BSF4O are inspired and impressed by Sen. Obama’s voting record and support of Veterans and the military family community. They also believe that Sen. Obama projects the most attractive American values across our country and our globe.

For more information on BSF4O and to view their video, visit http://www.bsf4o.com/ .

Blogging: the Pros and the Cons

2008-09-14T13:39:00.000-04:00

Blogging is a great outlet to convey thoughts and feelings about matters of concern to us, or about hobbies that we enjoy thoroughly. It is about issues, interests, and passions. And it is about time.

Blogging can assist many people in expressing how they feel about specific subjects through a comfortable forum. It also allows interested readers to access information quickly. To this end, the internet has surpassed many traditional news media because of its convenience and varying positions on current events. Many people receive their daily news and entertainment through blogs.

The media has wisely tapped into the blogging movement so that they are a key part of it. Many of the news installations such as MSNBC and CNN have sites where people comment on the articles posted and discuss current affairs. This provides a wonderful outlet to commend or complain about the media coverage in a medium where others can read it. According to some interesting facts listed on www.blogworldexpo.com:
· Over 12 million American adults currently maintain a blog.
· More than 147 million Americans use the Internet.
· Over 57 million Americans read blogs.
· 1.7 million American adults list making money as one of the reasons they blog.
· 9% of internet users say they have created blogs.
· 6% of the entire US adult population has created a blog.
· Over 120 thousand blogs are created every day.
· There are over 1.4 million new blog posts every day.
· 22 of the 100 most popular websites in the world are blogs.
· 37% of blog readers began reading blogs in 2005 or 2006.
· Blog readers average 23 hours online each week.
Blogging is a relatively new way to communicate one’s views openly or behind a veil of security. An article in an April 2007 issue of Business Week discussed the pros and cons of blogging for business. “Excited to try out a new way of connecting with folks online, people flocked to blogging. But after 3 months on average, most bloggers realize that writing about their politics, launch haunts, or co-workers isn’t for them, says Adam Sarner, an analyst at researcher Gartner Inc. Sarner argues that, since the audience reading blogs continues to grow, this classic tech cycle of hype and maturity is good news for the remaining blogs. Those left standing are the influencers that attract audiences and advertisers.” (www.businessweek.com/the_thread/blogspotting/)
There are those who believe blogging can be detrimental and offer no real benefits. Personally, I have had a good experience with it. I love writing about matters that are close to my heart, and about new ones. I enjoy expressing my views (and oftentimes other interesting and timely perspectives) where other people can read about something that they may not have otherwise, becoming more informed in the process.

Admittedly, I have also experienced the bad and the ugly. What makes the blogging journey for me challenging is the rudeness and lack of fortitude of other people. It is for this reason that some people I know personally dismiss blogging as a notion, a phase. But blogging has enlightened me, and I will not allow those without class, veracity, and integrity deter me from articulating my views. I know people can be ill-mannered and self-righteous; this is life and thus it will never change. What interests me about these types of people is that blogging allows them to hide behind pseudonyms and anonymity to express their obtuse actions and their elitist conduct without being physically faced. Alas, common decency and manners cannot be bought or taught. Blogging is thus a double edge sword: people with no integrity, no gumption, and no class can write along with people of civility, ethics, and compassion. It is so simple and yet pure genius!

American Hubris

2008-09-11T12:47:00.001-04:00

I wrote and posted this article three weeks ago on Military Spouse Press and Blogger News Network...it got a rise out of some folks so I am posting it again here. Enjoy!!

As a regular viewer of Bill Moyer’s Journal, I always find the show intriguing and informative as I learn more than I would with conventional journalism and media. This past Friday’s episode with Andrew Bacevich was one of the best episodes I have seen; this was a difficult determination for me, as I believe many of the shows are absolutely phenomenal.

What struck me most was Bacevich’s notion of the imperial presidency and its past, present, and future inference on America and the American life. Bacevich, a former Army colonel, Boston University scholar, and old school conservative, discussed this construct at length with Mr. Moyers. His most recent book, The Limits of Power: The End of American Exceptionalism, was referenced throughout the dialogue, and included implications of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars and the responsibility of each individual American to turn this nation around. What haunted me even more was the mention of his son who lost his life in the Iraq war. I cannot begin to assert that I understand what he is experiencing at this time, but as a military spouse of a wounded veteran, I found myself completely saddened by his loss, as it was a reminder of how close I came to losing my husband during the same conflict. I believe, like Bacevich, that we should view war as a last resort: “What we should learn from history is that preventive war doesn't work. The Iraq War didn't work. And, therefore, we should abandon notions, such as the Bush Doctrine of preventive war. We should return to the just war tradition. Which sees force as something that is only used as a last resort. Which sees war as something that is justifiable for defensive purposes.”

He mentioned that we have had an imperial presidency since World War II and that the presidency became this colossal entity with undeniable power. “As the imperial presidency has accrued power, surrounding the imperial presidency has come to be this group of institutions called the National Security State. The CIA, the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the Office of the Secretary of Defense, the other intelligence agencies. Now, these have grown since the end of World War Two into this mammoth enterprise.” One might ask how and why this matters in the current political climate. Why should Americans be concerned about this at all?

Bacevich believes that Senator Obama and McCain are running in order to become imperial presidents, not because they possess this great ability to affect profound change for the nation. He doesn’t believe that this type of change will occur. “The elements of continuity outweigh the elements of change. And it's not going to happen because, ultimately, we the American people refuse to look in that mirror. And to see the extent to which the problems that we face really lie within. We refuse to live within our means. We continue to think that the problems that beset the country are out there beyond our borders. And that if we deploy sufficient amount of American power we can fix those problems, and therefore things back here will continue as they have for decades.” Surmising that the desire for continuity, for a false sense of security, gives us reasons to blame Muslims and Mexicans and others for our tribulations, this is an interesting way to examine culture and politics, to say the least.

Consequently, Bacevich also spoke of the effect that American materialism and consumerism have on this country, and linked it to foreign policy. He stated that “our foreign policy is not something simply concocted by people in Washington D.C. and imposed on us. Our foreign policy is something that is concocted in Washington D.C., but it reflects the perceptions of our political elite about what we want, we the people want. And what we want, by and large - I mean, one could point to many individual exceptions - but, what we want, by and large is, we want this continuing flow of very cheap consumer goods.” Wal-Mart immediately comes to mind, with its cheap prices and cheap products. Accordingly, the conglomerate has put many local stores out of business. It is these businesses that made America strong; Bacevich purports that our desire for things has weakened our economy and our nation. We used to be a nation of considerable production; at present, our “empire of consumption” has made us not dependent on ourselves, but on other countries with cheap labor.

With this in mind, how does this dilemma lend itself to the Iraq war? Moyers asked Bacevich if the Iraq situation was a clear indicator of the expectations of Americans and what they are willing to sacrifice in their personal lives. In a word, oil. “The most obvious, the blindingly obviously question, is energy. It's oil. I think historians a hundred years from now will puzzle over how it could be that the United States of America, the most powerful nation in the world, as far back as the early 1970s, came to recognize that dependence on foreign oil was a problem, posed a threat, comprised our freedom of action.” Bacevich continues: “How every President from Richard Nixon down to the present one, President Bush, declared, ‘we're gonna fix this problem.’ None of them did. And the reason we are in Iraq today is because the Persian Gulf is at the center of the world's oil reserves. I don't mean that we invaded Iraq on behalf of big oil, but the Persian Gulf region would have zero strategic significance, were it not for the fact that that's where the oil is.” It seems that people have chosen to forget that this great commodity is one of the main reasons why we are in Iraq, as if to speak of this is beyond reproach.

And so we put the yellow “support our troops” stickers on our cars, persist with our shopping and excessive consumerism, and passively disconnect from the social ills of the nation by denying that there are any. We do not want to change our way of life; why should we have to? Because “we're headed down a path in which not only will we become increasingly dependent upon foreign oil, but we will have opted for a false model of freedom. A freedom of materialism, a freedom of self-indulgence, a freedom of collective recklessness.” Bacevich said that if we take action now, we may be able to repair our economy, our culture, and our nation. But to do this, we cannot continue to allow our arrogance and entitlement to influence policy and politics. To this end, Bacevich is suggesting that we take responsibility as citizens to correct these ills, and not just leave it to the next president to solve the problems of the world.

In sum, Bacevich touched on the current crises that I also believe are affecting our nation: the military, economic and social concerns, and the political arena. To gain a better understanding of these issues, I plan to read The Limits of Power in the very near future. I am fascinated by Bacevich’s perspective and look forward to exploring his viewpoints on the current state of affairs even further. For more information on his appearance on Bill Moyer’s Journal, please visit the website at www.pbs.org/moyers/journal/08152008/profile.html for a copy of the program transcript and blog information.